4 must-haves for the island king
Didn’t find what wanted under the Christmas tree this year? Don’t be too upset, because I didn’t get the private island I’ve been dreaming of either. Not wasting too much time on such a disappointment I knew would come, I put together a list of four things every island owner must have to be an island king. Sure, anyone can be an island owner, but if you want to be king of your island, you’ll need to check out the list after the jump…
1. Solid Hardwood Toilet Throne with Walnut Finish
Take a crap in style as your island subjects pay you tribute. After all, a king just can’t leave his excrement anywhere. For best effect, place this in a central location all your islanders can reach easily, such as the village square. To further emphasize your authority, consider placing armed guards on either side of your throne. They should preferably be armed with heavy machine guns, and have two or more missing teeth.
The toilet may be purchased from Clawfoot Supply for the low price of $1,695.
2. Nuclear Submarine
People might think you to be crazy after making such an expensive purchase, but you’ll be the last one laughing when you blow their heads to pieces in your new submarine :). While not necessarily useful for governing an island, you can use your submarine to expand your land holdings. Take over nearby islands, and plunder ships that pass too close to your kingdom. The possibilities are endless!
Surplus subs can easily be had from the Russian Navy for bargain prices.
3. JL421 Badonkadonk Land Tank
Instantly earn the respect and admiration of your natives with this tank. Sold by Amazon.com, the vehicle features a 400 watt sound system with intercom, armored sides, room for five, and a top speed or 40 mph. The tank also features undercarriage lighting and can be customized to your liking after placing an order. Mount a flame thrower or machine gun on top, and you’re in business.
The “Donk” may be bought from Amazon.com for $19,999.95 plus $14.99 shipping.
4. Mosquito XEL Light Helicopter
This water-landing helicopter has many possibilities. Use it for quick transportation from one end of your island to the other, recreational flying, and aerial surveillance. Classified as a light aircraft, the Mosquito XEL requires no licenses or certificates to fly.
The Mosquito may be bought here for $31,000 as a kit or $36,000 pre-built.